Bull market: a random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear market: a six- to eight-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery.
Momentum investing: the fine art of buying high and selling low.
Value investing: the art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E ratio: the percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
Broker: poorer than you were last year.
Buy, buy: a flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.
Standard and Poor (S&P): your life in a nutshell.
Stock analyst: idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Stock split: when your former wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.
Market correction: the day after you buy stocks.
Cash flow: the movement your money makes as it disappears down the drain.
Institutional investor: past year investor who is now locked up in a nut house.
EBITDA: earnings before I tricked the dumb auditor.
EBIT: earnings before irregularities and tampering.
CEO: chief embezzlement officer.
CFO: chief fraud officer.
EPS: eventual prison sentence.
BigGains !!
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